Empathy

One thing that I truly appreciate is empathy. So far, I’ve been blessed with amazing family members, friends, and neighbors who are great at being understanding and considerate when it comes to my children’s allergies. Whenever they visit, they try to avoid allergens at least 4 hours before coming over and never bring any allergens to my home. Also, they wash their hands and mouths when they arrive. If we are the ones visiting, they wipe surfaces to make sure there is no allergen protein residue and put away any food product containing dairy, peanuts & tree nuts. If they happen to have had contact with any of the allergens while we are present, they make sure to wash their hand thoroughly to make sure there’s no allergic reaction. Finally, if we have been invited to their home and they feel like offering us anything to eat, they are kind enough to call me beforehand and ask if we can eat whatever it is that they are offering.

On the other hand, I am grateful when someone that’s not willing to give up those allergens when we are around tells me about it. This way, I make sure we’re extra careful when meeting up with him/her.  I am never trying to be an inconvenience; I am only trying to avoid allergic reactions. But the mere fact that you are honest enough and let me know helps to keep my children safe.

Now, when one of my friends or family members goes out of their way to bring me an allergy-friendly product, it makes me happy. This is exactly what happened when we were on our trip in Puerto Rico. My mom’s friend, Angie, knew about Penny’s allergy and while she was shopping in Marshalls stumbled upon Dr. Lucy’s Chocolate Chip Cookies. These cookies are peanut, tree nut, milk, egg and gluten free. Its box says that they test for milk, gluten, peanut, almond, hazelnut and walnut traces in their ingredients and never allow those items in their bakery or warehouse, which gave me a sense of security when offering these treats to my children.  Oh! They’re also Non-GMO. ☺ A physician, who’s also the mother of a child with food allergies created this brand. She states in the cookie box that she built her own bakery to make these treats because she  “know[s] how difficult it can be to find high-quality snacks that taste great”. I agree, at least the chocolate chip cookies, have a rich and delightful taste. What can I say? The cookies were gone that same day. I can’t wait to find more of these delicious treats.

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To all of you that have been kind enough to accommodate my children’s needs, you know who you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much easier and less stressful this makes my day.  For me, it is not about convenience, but about not risking my children’s health and lives.

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Summer Camp and a Complicated Birthday Celebration

Last month, I traveled with both my kids to Puerto Rico. One of the reasons for our trip was for the kids to be able to go to an awesome summer camp. For Paulo, it meant an all day experience, whereas for Penny it was half day. I’m not going to lie, leaving my food allergic kiddos in school/summer camp is a bit nerve-wracking, especially since Paulo is newly diagnosed and Penny is still learning to identify which food products contain her allergens.

To my surprise, Paulo was really good at identifying what he could or couldn’t eat and understood that he was not able to share snacks or lunch with anybody else. Penny was a different story. In her case, teachers had to be vigilant and extremely careful at snack time. However, they were really good at keeping Penny safe. They told me that it was a learning experience for them. They found it easy to avoid and keep Penny away from peanuts and tree nuts but were surprised with all the food products that contain dairy. They made sure that everybody washed their hands before and after snack and would carefully clean the tables, chairs and materials to avoid an allergic reaction. Overall, both kids had an amazing time and I am happy to say that both children had an allergy-free summer camp experience.

However, like everything in life, nothing is perfect. On the last day of summer camp, we celebrated Paulo, Penny and another child’s birthday. At first, when the director told me about the celebration, I was hesitant for it involved food and as a food allergy mom, that makes me a bit anxious. But at the end, I accepted because the director assured me that she would talk to the mom of the other child celebrating the birthday and would make sure that the celebration would be allergy-friendly. It was my responsibility to bake allergy friendly cupcakes and the other mom would only bring fruits and veggies.

Last day of camp came and everything was looking great. Until, all of a sudden, the other mom comes with a cake on her hands. My heart started pounding with fear and disappointment, and I’m guessing that I did not control my emotions well because as soon as she looked at me, she assured me that the cake was brought only so she could take a picture. I was confused. The only reason I had accepted to have the birthday celebration was because it was going to be an allergy-free gathering and now, this mom knowingly brought an allergen-full cake… Anyway, I trusted that she was going to keep her word and continued with our day. The party was awesome: kids were enjoying the bouncy house, the water slides, and the allergy-friendly snacks.

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It was time to sing Happy Birthday, so we all gathered around the table where I had beautifully placed the 70 homemade allergy-friendly mini-cupcakes and we all sang the birthday song. We shared the cupcakes with everyone and were having an awesome time when all of a sudden the “picture cake” was out. They took the pictures, I looked away, and when I looked back there was a mess made out of the cake’s frosting. I started getting anxious, trying to keep Penelope away from the cake area when I noticed that the mom was cutting the cake and giving away some pieces to some children. This is when I went from anxious to upset. I couldn’t believe my eyes. This mom, who had been told about both my children’s allergies and their severity, and who had agreed on not bringing any allergens, not only brought them, but knowingly was also putting my child’s health and life at risk. I was too upset to talk to her without making a scene, so instead I took our stuff and my severe allergic child and left.

I know and understand that the world is not allergy-free and that not everybody understands the consequences that a little bit of an allergen can cause (in our case, anaphylaxis). In this case, what disappointed me was that this other mom knew beforehand about the allergies and still went on and brought allergens. It saddens me that people can’t see that where their child’s inconvenience starts is exactly where my children’s life is put at risk.

Both my children had an amazing summer; it was their mom who got scared and angry at other people’s lack of understanding. Help me out to spread awareness, so empathy can be achieved.

For more information about food allergies, visit:

Food Allergy Research & Education

Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Connection Team

Kids with Food Allergies

American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology

American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology